Winter Launch Party

The Kilmer 2015 issue of Surgam is here!

Students in the snow outside Barnard Hall, 1953

Students in the snow outside Barnard Hall, 1953. Source: Barnard Digital Collections

Come to the launch party to see it unveiled, have some snacks, and pick up your free copy!

Sunday, March 1st, from 3 to 5pm

Diana Center, room 502

This special issue is filled with the winning poems from Philo’s Annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Bad Poetry Contest.

Below is a preview: “Original Poem” by Sarah Billings, BC ’18, who took home second place.

Original Poem, or, “DO NOT STEAL”

O Captain! My Captain!

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: “I saw the best minds of my generations destroyed by


starving hysterical naked,

dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking

for an angry fix,”

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

than “I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.”

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

Would I were as steadfast as thou art–

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,

She walks in beauty, like the night.

O Captain! My Captain!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

One fish, two fish

Red fish, blue fish

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

And on the pedestal these words appear:

Quoth the Raven “My anaconda don’t–“

[Exit, pursued by a bear.]

For: Walt, William S., Charles, Robert, Percy, Allen, Edgar, Theodor, Jane, John, William B., George, Elizabeth, Alfred, & Onika.


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